A LITTLE Tribute to Our Hero : Welcome Back HOME, Alec !

 

A few jokes from Nick and Sharon :

MONTANA 3 KICK RULE
  
A big city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Montana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field On the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The attorney responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going in to retrieve it."
     
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
     
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the US and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
     
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Montana. We settle small disagreements like this with the Montana Three-Kick Rule."
     
The lawyer asked, "What is the Montana three-kick Rule?"     
The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face! The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up. The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face! The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot, now it's my turn."            (I love this...) The old farmer smiled and said, "Gnaw, I give up.  You can have the duck.
A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each Children in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading these keep in mind that these are first graders... "6" year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

Better to be safe than...punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the...bug is close.
It's always darkest before...Daylight Saving Time.
Never underestimate the power of...termites.
You can lead a horse to water but...how?
Don't bite the hand that...looks dirty.
No news is...impossible.
A miss is as good as a...Mr.
You can't teach an old dog new...math.
If you lie down with dogs, you'll...stink in the morning.
Love all, trust...me.
The pen is mightier than the...pigs.
An idle mind is...the best way to relax.
Where there's smoke there's...pollution.
Happy the bride who...gets all the presents.
A penny saved is...not much.
Two's company, three's...the Musketeers.
Don't put off till tomorrow what...you put on to go to bed.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and..... you have to
blow your nose.
There are none so blind as...Stevie Wonder.
Children should be seen and not...spanked or grounded.
If at first you don't succeed...get new batteries.
You get out of something only what you ... see in the picture on the box.
When the blind leadeth the blind...get out of the way.

And the favorite:
Better late than...pregnant!!!!